Just asking

According to the dictionary, amnesia is defined as the selective overlooking of events or acts that are not favorable or useful to one’s purpose or position.

Interesting to note that only the mind has the capability to block off memories that are too painful for comfort. Why isn’t the heart given an opportunity to do the same?



As i traverse the long lonely road
I am captivated by nothingness
And the never ending abyss
With neither a sound to distract
I see the inner sanctum of myself
Crying out, breaking free
On the brink of destruction
Imprisoned by self torment
Wondering where i will rest
Wondering when it will end.

Time heals

When the heart doesn’t skip a beat
And the longing is not that fierce.
When the tears don’t come anymore
And the memories are without color

When the meaning of a name becomes ordinary
And the words spoken sound plain
When the actions are without meaning
And the song has lost its melody

Then you know the bond is broken
The hold has loosened
The wound has healed
You are free.

Bull’s eye

It started with a simple email exchange that gradually turned to texting and calling until finally we were going out on dates. The connection was as innocent as it can get, because as he kindly put it towards the end of the madness, we didn’t even kiss.

We can’t seem to get enough compliment from each other that a text message is expected every 15 minutes or so. We didn’t exactly burn the lines but almost erased the numbers and letters off our keypads.

Didn’t I try to stop? I did. I tried to walk away but after a simple “Don’t say goodbye” and promises of devotion from my favorite past time, I stayed put for another few weeks. Silly me for believing his every word.

My friend though was very good at words. It amazes me up to now how my resolve to put a stop to it would crumble because of his ability to convince me that what we had was special. He said it would transcend time, distance and whatever “wordly” feelings we have for each other. And so I fell,  hook, line and sinker.

As every twisted story is likely to end abruptly, ours did. He said I was too literal. What he probably meant was, I misinterpreted his intentions and saw something that was not really there in the first place. I guess I did.

How did he hold up? As expected, he moved on faster than a speeding bullet.


Waiting in vain

Counting the seconds as the clock tick by
While the shadows on the wall get more pronounced
And the outside world is blanketed by darkness

I sit alone and wait for something
That might help withstand the vise
Gripping my heart, suffocating my being.

As dark as the midnight sky
I remain clueless and I wait
In vain. Always in pain.

LTL 25April2007

My son had an appendectomy when he was 7 years old.

Alzl complained of a stomachache early on Monday, but since he has a tendency to magnify even the slightest pain he experiences, i doubtfully looked him over and suggested simple remedies to ease his pain. However, after some time, he seemed to get more and more agitated and then he started crying. The pain seemed to be getting worse. We decided to bring him to the emergency room as a precaution. I must mention that Alzl has a fear of injection and anything related to a hospital, thus,  successfully getting a blood sample is already a triumph on the nurses’ part. And of course, there was a security guard to help hold him down.

A few minutes after the resident got the result of his CBC and urinalysis, she immediately informed us of the prognosis : appendicitis. The procedure seemed simple enough but can Alzl take it? Take it he did, but only after countless protest and a long litany of why we should just leave the hospital and go back home.

The day after the operation was the only time i saw my son turn from a sweet little boy with an always sunny disposition into a grouch. He was Mr. Hyde personified. Worse than Shrek was before he met Fiona. No one was allowed to talk, laugh, snicker or even whimper because you would surely catch his ire. The room was kept as dark as night even if there were visitors inside the room. Coaxing him out of bed was like asking him to jump off a bridge or swallow a sword. He just wouldn’t do it! He even accused us (his parents) of not praying hard enough for him! Thanks to his doctor and to his Lola Nenette who tirelessly encouraged and explained to him why he has to move. After what seemed like an eternity, he finally did.

And so his recuperation began. He was up and about on the third day, slowly roaming the corridors of the hospital with his sister, Alhia. His IV was taken off and he was put on a soft diet. Finally, on the fourth day, we were discharged. We went back to the comfort of our home. Amidst a combination of red and blue balloons that said “Welcome home Kuya! Lots of love, Alhia”, Alzl got to sleep on his own bed for the first time in four days. So did his father and I.

LTL 27July2007

Hello world!

Hope I can turn this site into something worth visiting.

I can be considered a novice. Be kind. 🙂